journal

Day 7: Crabby Kinda Day

For two days now I have been in a crabby kinda mood; I’m short with everyone, I am rolling my eyes at every little thing and doing that annoyed teeth sucking sound, and just being generally unpleasant. I used to be annoyed a lot, especially as a moody teenager and then a moody 20-something. But that is not how I want to live my 30s (or 40s or 50s or 60s). I’ve found I have to be incredibly intentional in policing my moods and negativity. It’s no secret that I dealt with my fair share of depression and anxiety (quite a mix), so I am always looking out for those little backslips into that, and I nip them good!

I take a lot of walks around the back parking lot at work, mostly for my back, but also because it’s a great way to squeeze in exercise and clear my head. On my first walk I like to pray. It’s a very informal yet routine-like talk with God and I always come out feeling better. I talked about how I’m feeling, how I’m irritated and I wasn’t sure why, and most importantly asked for help to not feel crabby anymore. Almost immediately I felt like I should apologize to my husband for being an irritated crab and allow myself to vent to him a bit about my grievances; I signed Charlotte up for soccer but I don’t ever get to see her in action because I’m at work, but it seems like everyone else gets to go, I’m starting back to normal working hours this week so instead of getting off at 3 every day like I have been the last two months it’s 5, twice a week I have to drive 30 minutes one way for a 5 minute back adjustment at the chiropractor, losing even more precious time, I’m worried about not getting to spend enough time with Charlotte and this is her last summer before starting full-day kindergarten, I’ve been obsessed with all the details of starting my home decorating business, and the list went on until my head was spinning! But it did feel good to vent; to my husband and to God and both listened with love and sympathy.

A cute missed soccer moment

The most important part is I chose not to dwell in the venting. Once I said it, I had to let it go. To do this, I then started to thank God for the very things I complained about; thank you for providing me with a full-time job during these uncertain times, a steady paycheck to help support my family with, with work I don’t hate and at a place that is like home. Thank you for our health. Thank you for providing a way to show my daughter all the fun and wonderful things she can do, to be able to give her new experiences in life through soccer and ballet and karate and more. Thank you for giving me the motivation to go to the chiropractor to help the pain in my back. I believe I was brought there for good reason. Thank you for the pain relief I’m already experiencing. Thank you for gifting me with multiple passions and talents and for not limiting me to one thing but letting me experience so many different joys in my life.

And just like that, my attitude changed completely! I didn’t feel overwhelmed or overburdened or stressed or sad anymore. I got my work done, I finished up the last of the prep work for my home decorating business’s consultation folders, and I started organizing my notes on the French Revolution so I can start writing my next novel.

I came home to an empty house, something that is truly rare these days, and instead of being annoyed at any number of things I couldn’t grumbled about I said thank you again. Thank you for this moment of peace. I poured myself a big glass of lemonade and caught up on reading some Magnolia Journals while I waited for everyone to come home.

It actually turned out to be a pretty awesome and accomplished day. So, don’t give up hope if you’re feeling irritated with life. It sounds so simple it couldn’t be true, but it is; try a new perspective and watch it take life inside of you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s